"You're Just Taking the Easy Way Out"

One day while I was working, a stranger walking his dog approached me as I was busy unboxing a fridge. He began telling me about how the logo on our company vehicle reminded him of his son. This stranger went on and on for quite awhile about his son, who was apparently quite the nerd. I tried my best to remain as attentive as possible as I continued to work. 

Then he dropped the bomb.

"He committed suicide about three months ago, now. I've been seeing counselors this whole time, and it took me this long just to get comfortable with talking about it." I didn't know how to react, but I guess my response wasn't necessary because he continued regardless. "I didn't know what he was planning at the time, but he called me up that day to wish me well, and told me he'd see me on the other side."

I imagine he wanted some reassurance that he would see his son again someday, but the best I could offer was an apology, "I'm sorry." It sucked, not having a single word of comfort for this stranger. I felt for him, I couldn't imagine the pain of losing my son like that, but I couldn't bring myself to lie to him and dish out false hopes. Empty apologies were all I had left to offer.

A few months earlier, while installing a new fridge for an elderly lady, she expressed that she didn't understand why her son was investing in the new appliance for her. She complained that he was just wasting his money because she was going to die soon anyway. Again, words escaped me.

She explained how she had a terminal illness, and that her doctor eventually told her to stop coming back because there was nothing more he could do. He would just continue to renew her prescriptions so she could remain as comfortable as possible until the time came when... she stopped refilling them. All I could think to offer were those same dratted empty apologies, but every time I offered one, she would just reassure us that it was okay.

She told us that she wasn't in any pain, she never even felt hungry anymore, but it was all good because she was eager to be reunited with her husband who had died a few years prior. She told us that she knew where she was going, and she was ready. I wanted to say something kind and reassuring to her, but once again, I would be lying.

I couldn't say anything comforting, because I didn't believe anything comforting. I'm not convinced of the existence of Heaven or an after-life where we get to see our loved-ones again. For me, it is all just wishful thinking. But you can't say this to people who are hurting or dying. There are no easy words for an atheist in these circumstances. Death just sucks.

To think that some Christians would believe that atheists are merely taking the 'easy way out' by pretending God doesn't exist, just so they can justify their sin nature and go about their lives having fun and pleasure with no regard for the eternal consequences. It's ludicrous! If this is the reason anyone is 'disbelieving' in God, it's not worth it. I'm not going to lie. Being an atheist is not for the faint-hearted. It can be hard and depressing, but that is just the nature of truth. Some people can't handle it. To be completely honest, the ones taking the 'easy way out' of reality are the Christians.

Despite not being depressed when I first deconverted, I did suffer both anxiety and depression for a couple months after the fact.

One night, I bawled like a big blubbering baby when I realized that I had brought my two boys into this world, only to experience death someday. I cried because I realized that they never had a choice in their own existence, my wife and I had made that choice for them, and now they will have to suffer pain and heartache because of it. I cried because there was no guarantee of their safety, I had risked their lives in moving them across the country, they could easily have died or been lost along the way—they could still die long before I died—and although they are wonderful creatures that would be dearly missed, no one would remember them once I was gone, in time all of us will be forgotten, anyway. I cried because I realized I no longer had a god to take comfort in or to cry out to. I had no one left to pass the blame onto. This was now my responsibility. If anything happened to my kids, it was on me. It was now my burden to bear.

I'm not taking my beliefs lightly and choosing things out of convenience. I didn't abandon God because I wanted to live in sin, nor did I become an atheist because of depression, or an unfamiliarity with the Bible, or being mad at God, or any other excuse for that matter. It wouldn't be worth it. I'd be ridding myself of my crutch and condemning myself to Hell for stupid reasons. That's not me, I'm no idiot.

The truth is, I never even chose not to believe. I stopped believing naturally when things no longer made any sense. I couldn't go on believing something that didn't make sense just because it made me feel better. That isn't truth. The truth remains the truth regardless of how you feel about it. And the only thing I want to believe in anymore is what can be verified as the truth. This is the only reason I'm no longer convinced in the existence of God.

Sure, it can suck sometimes, but that's truth, and the truth will set you free.

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