Skip to main content

...But What if I'm Wrong?

Last week I explained how at the end of a gradual process, I came to the realization that I no longer believed in God. However, I still had one last hurdle to leap, the one I think most doubting Christians stop at. An argument commonly referred to as "Pascal's Wager."

 In short, the argument is often summed up by Christians as, "it is better to live as if God exists and find out he doesn't, then to live as if he doesn't and find out he does." Essentially, if you give up on your faith, you are at a greater risk. If you are wrong, you risk going to Hell and suffering for eternity.

 Looking back, it is easy to see why many Christians will stop there and turn back, rather than take that last step toward freedom. The argument is built entirely on fear. It's a last-ditch scare tactic, designed to reign people in and make those who refuse to accept God appear foolish. After all, they must not be thinking rationally if they are willing to risk eternal damnation, right?

But when I arrived at Pascal's Wager for the last time, turning back was no longer an option. Like I explained last week, belief is not a choice. I simply didn't believe anymore, and there was nothing I could do within my power to bring belief back. My entire religion was falling apart at the seams. I would never be able to make sense of it again. Turning back now would just be lying to myself, to everyone else, and if God existed, I would be lying to him as well. Since salvation is dependent on one's God-given belief, even if I had turned back, I was already "damned if I did, damned if I didn't."

Quite literally.

It's not like I was afraid of Hell, I didn't even believe in it anymore. Still, I stood at the fence for a day, giving God one last chance, praying that if he was real he would prove himself to me, just this once, because otherwise he was about to lose me for good. He did nothing. So I jumped the fence.



In reality, it was not actually much of a leap. It was merely a conscious acknowledgment that I was no longer a christian. That I no longer believed in Heaven, Hell, God or Satan, and that I wasn't even certain about Jesus. I didn't choose what to believe in, I just accepted the fact that I didn't believe. And with this acceptance came an overwhelming sense of relief and clarity. It was like my mind was opened and for once in my life, I. COULD. THINK.

For the first time in my life, every last wall I had once put up to keep doubts from pouring in were torn down and my mind was free to explore without abandon. Everything began to make sense. Faith and doubt were completely eradicated from my mind. I no longer needed to believe anything without evidence, and if something came up which didn't make sense, I could merely drop it for a new model.

For years I had been told that I was set free, but this was surely the first time I had actually experienced it. This is why I have been excited to share my story with you. I fear many of my Christian friends are in the same boat. Stuck in perpetual doubt, but afraid to take the next step. You're not alone.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Is This the Real Life?

So, there I was, suddenly awake. Regularly attending church. Going to small groups. Volunteering on Sundays. Surrounded by christians. In the middle of the Bible Belt. Great. Now what? I simply no longer belonged here. I was no longer a christian. I was a freethinker. An agnostic. An... Atheist. It was weird to think that was the right word for me. It always seemed to carry such a negative connotation. But it was accurate in the literal sense. I didn't believe in a god. I was no longer a theist . It was that simple. But could I explain it to others? Would they understand me? Would they even listen? Or would they simply reject me? I began to think back on multiple conversations I had with my wife, Meredith, in our early years. I remembered when she would confess that one of the main reasons she was even interested in dating me was because she learned that I was a christian. I remembered several conversations about how important that was to her, and about how, even thou...
2 comments
Read more

Oh, Hello There

It has certainly been awhile. Obviously, some things have changed. You may have already noticed, but just in case you didn't, I suppose it is time to catch up. There's something big that I needed to get off my chest. That thing was " GOD ." Yes, you read that right. I doffed God. I can only imagine how this apparent heresy may make many of you feel. Sad, mournful, perplexed, bamboozled, offended, irate. But please, before you make your judgement and close me out of your life for good, just hear me out. I know there is a stigma with people who refer to themselves as atheists, but it really only means that I lack belief in a deity. Please try not to jump to any conclusions about me. Remember, I am still the Justin you knew, only with a renewed outlook on life. Try to keep an open mind to a different perspective. Over the next few weeks, I plan on using this blog to detail the story of my deconversion, so you can understand where exactly I'm coming from. ...
Post a Comment
Read more